I'm sorry

I'm so sorry that I have been neglecting to post regular updates on my pregnancy in the last couple of days...

To be honest, the pregnancy is going so well I have a tendency to forget I'm pregnant in the first place. I have very few to no symptoms and my energy level is back where it should be during the day. I tend to go to bed a little earlier than my normal time and get the sore breasts every once in a while but that's about it.

While all my fears and anxiety towards the possibility of a miscarriage have vanished along entering the 2nd trimester, I don't think I'm that much calmer per se. The source of my anxiety has only shifted to some other personal concerns surrounding the proper education and rehabilitation of my sixteen year old nephew living with us.

It seems like every day that pass, we barely have the time to digest the bad deeds of yesterday that we find out more of his "bad surprises". Just as we are getting over the fact that he was caught in possession of weed in school, we realise there's a lot more to it. Not only is he a regular consumer, he is also a dealer.

Going through this large wheel of emotions (disappointed, worry, doubt, suspicion, frustration and feeling of betrayal), you might easily understand how I tend to forget my pregnancy at times. I'm just so overwhelmed with a critical situation happening right under my nose, and that has to be rapidly dealt with, that the pregnancy has been put on hold for now.

What can I do with him? How can I trust him in my house? What are my options? Should we continue dealing with this or simply give up? Those are some of the questions that now occupy my every thought.

Fortunately, I think I'm dealing with these kind of worries better than the risks of miscarriage. It's not necessarily easier, but I'm less emotional about it and my current fears are a lot more rational, so I'm grateful for that. I'm trying to take a step back at the situation and not let it get the best of me. So far, I'm doing ok, but DF is having a hard time and I'm not willing to let this put any distance between us, especially in such a critical period of our lives. We have to find a solution to this, and find the courage to do it.


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