Medical follow-up #2

We went to my second medical appointment this morning.

First checked in for some blood tests and then went to see the OB-Gyn nurse for standard questions before seeing the doc.

16 weeks & 1 day pregnant
weight: 197lbs (+2.5 lbs since first exam, still 3 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight)
blood pressure: normal

Then we sat in the hall waiting for the OB-gyn to arrive... I was her first appointment of the day but she got there 45 minutes late.

The clinic I'm followed by is a CLSC, and the way they are doing it is with a team of 4 OBs who take turns at seeing me and it guarantees me that one of them will be the one helping me with the delivery.

Meet the team of OBs:
  1. A young, kind woman I felt confortable with but who might lack in experience... she sent me for an ultrasound when she couldn't find the baby's heart with the doppler at first appointment.
  2. Another young, kind woman who passed me the ultrasound when the heartbeat was not heard at first appointment.
  3. No information yet
  4. No information yet
So the appointment of this morning was with OB #2. When she finally got there, she was a completely different person than the first time I'd met her... I first thought of her as a lovely person and now... well...

She's complaining that her colleague was inexperienced with sampling for chlamydia testing so she'll have to take another sample. When I ask her if there's a way we can find out the heart rate from the first ultrasound (I thought it might be written in the file or something) she acted if I was wasting her time with silly questions. She only said it was useless and stupid to think it could help predict the baby's gender and that she didn't have it. I responded that I didn't mind that it was irrelevant to her, I would have been interested to know the heartrate anyways.

I went on the table for the routine examination and she took another sample for the chlamydia test.

She then took the doppler and found the baby's heart pretty fast... It was our first time hearing it but she didn't even smile or comment on it. Again, she didn't bother taking the heartrate and I was too intimidated to count it in front of her. DF (a musician) thinks it sounded close to 120bpm so I'm gonna go with that for now...

When she asked if we had other questions she could answer...
  1. I asked what I could expect from the next visit... It's my first pregnancy and I don't know if all appointments are created equal or if there are important milestones along the road to which DF would prefer being there with me. ANSWER: All appointments are important. What MORE would you like us to measure during an appointment?
  2. Then DF decided to ask her about the muscular contractions I've been getting a lot recently. It's only a tightening of my uterus that lasts for 3-4 seconds and is painless but it seems to happen everytime I sneeze from a sitting position... Because they are painless it never worried me and I was blaming the body transformation for those hiccups... ANSWER: Those are NOT contractions. Those are nothing.
  3. I then asked about the gender identification and she said it would all be done at the 20 weeks exam and again complained about the fact OB #1 did not send the request for an appointment to the hospital so she's gonna have to send the request.
She looked very impatient and did not provide answers to our questions so we gave up and left. I was pretty irritated and disappointed because my first impression was so different of her. I think for the purposes of thiss blog I will refer to my 4 OBs by nicknames instead of numbers and this one just got herself the nickname Dr. Jekyll.

So we now have:
  1. Dr. Doogie - the inexperienced one
  2. Dr. Jekyll - the one with multiple personnality disorder
  3. Dr. ? - will be evaluated in time
  4. Dr. ? - will be evaluated in time
I'm curious about meeting the other 2 now...

2 weeks have passed

2 weeks have passed since my last post on this blog.
2 weeks have passed since the last update from my buddy group on Ovusoft...

It this a strange coincidence or are all the June moms to be going through some quiet phase where nothing needs to be discussed anymore?

The last two weeks have kept me very busy.

Emotionnally, I'm still on "the teenager" rollercoaster ride that is preoccupying me. A lot.

Physically, I'm less tired than in my first trimester, but definitely more tired than before getting pregnant. We are also in the middle of our big renovation project preparing a new computer/laundry room so that the former computer room can become a nursery) and all our weekends are shaped around that new to-do list:

  • removing the sink and reorganizing the water pipes - check
  • building an enclosure for the water tank - check
  • removing the ceiling - check
  • plastering/painting the walls - check
  • installing new floor
  • installing a countertop
  • installing new suspended ceiling
  • installing new heating system
  • installing new lights

I have to say I'm very lucky that my parents come by every weekend and walk us through all the steps. They are a lot more confortable than we are with that kind of construction work and we could never do it on our own. Not only are they generous enough to provide us with the help we need, but they are patient enough to make this a great learning experience.

So to recap the last 2 weeks:

  • week 13 -> baby was the size of a peach
  • week 14 -> baby is now the size of a lemon

Hmmm lemon... why do I love lemon so much? With just a touch of salt, this has got to be one of my favorite fruits in the bowl.

On another note, somebody else is now pregnant at work, making us... 4 expecting mothers for the spring/summer 2010.

Note to self: it's probably time for another belly picture. There has definitely been some change since the one I took at 8 weeks...

There, I just did it again!

The last post was about how sorry I was to not give news about my pregnancy, and, it turned into a soap opera of what we're going through as a young couple dealing with teen issues.


Lol. I least I admit it, right?

This morning, I went to the CLSC to have my blood and urine sampled for analysis. The doc forgot to tell me to not eat in the 12 hours prior to those tests so, sure enough, I'll have to return for 2 of them, before my next appointment.

I then took the opportunity to make the appointment for my 2nd visit - which was completely forgotten when dealing with the "no-heartbeat-situation" of last visit:

My next appointment is on Friday Dec. 18th at 9h10 (I will be 14 weeks and 5 days pregnant by then).

Other than this, I've noticed my weight is finally starting to move a bit: I've gained every pound I had lost since the beginning of my pregnancy. This morning, I was back at the very round number of 200 lbs, but I've had a few too many "big heavy meals" recently so I'm not sure it'll stay up for very long when my diet comes back to normal.

On this note, this is the image of what our 12 weeks old fetus looks like.

I'm sorry

I'm so sorry that I have been neglecting to post regular updates on my pregnancy in the last couple of days...

To be honest, the pregnancy is going so well I have a tendency to forget I'm pregnant in the first place. I have very few to no symptoms and my energy level is back where it should be during the day. I tend to go to bed a little earlier than my normal time and get the sore breasts every once in a while but that's about it.

While all my fears and anxiety towards the possibility of a miscarriage have vanished along entering the 2nd trimester, I don't think I'm that much calmer per se. The source of my anxiety has only shifted to some other personal concerns surrounding the proper education and rehabilitation of my sixteen year old nephew living with us.

It seems like every day that pass, we barely have the time to digest the bad deeds of yesterday that we find out more of his "bad surprises". Just as we are getting over the fact that he was caught in possession of weed in school, we realise there's a lot more to it. Not only is he a regular consumer, he is also a dealer.

Going through this large wheel of emotions (disappointed, worry, doubt, suspicion, frustration and feeling of betrayal), you might easily understand how I tend to forget my pregnancy at times. I'm just so overwhelmed with a critical situation happening right under my nose, and that has to be rapidly dealt with, that the pregnancy has been put on hold for now.

What can I do with him? How can I trust him in my house? What are my options? Should we continue dealing with this or simply give up? Those are some of the questions that now occupy my every thought.

Fortunately, I think I'm dealing with these kind of worries better than the risks of miscarriage. It's not necessarily easier, but I'm less emotional about it and my current fears are a lot more rational, so I'm grateful for that. I'm trying to take a step back at the situation and not let it get the best of me. So far, I'm doing ok, but DF is having a hard time and I'm not willing to let this put any distance between us, especially in such a critical period of our lives. We have to find a solution to this, and find the courage to do it.

Sweet sixteen

Being the main caretaker of my 16 years old nephew is a responsibility that comes with its share of joy, pride and sense of accomplishment, but its not always easy.

2 weeks ago, his very much improved behavior took a 90 degrees turn for the worse.

In those 2 weeks, he broke most rules of the house on numerous occasions and that string of bad deeds was crowned on Wednesday afternoon by a visit from police officers in school, to search his locker. Sure enough, they found what they were looking for and he got a 3 days suspension for substance abuse and possesion in school.

It just seems like consequences have no impact on him anymore. He just got used to losing all priviledges and doesn't try to get them back. Rewards don't work great either. So what do you do with a donkey that won't move despite the carrot and the stick?

You push him? We can't do this all the time. We can't live his life for him. At some point he has to change his ways and I'm hoping he will realise it sooner than later.

All the while, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and not supposed to worry too much right? I should not let this affect my mood and have to learn to manage this kind of stress better. When it happened, however, this is how I felt like managing my stress:

Ahhhh... those things cartoons can get away with!!! :)

Instead, I contacted a social worker and can't wait to hear from her...

Twinkle twinkle little star...

So Friday was "D day" when I had my first medical appointment and with a bit of luck, would hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time.

My appointment was at 10h20.

10h30 - DF and I arrive at the CLSC (a health center found everywhere in Quebec) and proceed with the registration right after disinfecting our hands with Purell. My file is created, the secretary is fighting with her printer to get my papers ready and after a good 12 minutes we're on our way to the waiting room.

11h20 - The nurse greets us and start asking her questions to fill a few more forms... She then explains some stuff about the prenatest and the next appointments. The only reason I'm not writing back her instructions here is because there was only one thing on my mind at that point: the heart MUST beat. I have no idea what she said but I came out of her office with a book and a few pamphlets so there might be some useful info in there.

12h00ish - We enter the doctor's office. She's super nice and tries to assure me... "If we can't find the heartbeat, don't worry". To this I answered: "Actually, if you don't find the heartbeat, I'll freak out, that's how it works". She smiled and proceeded with the exam.

For starters, she made a comment to the effect that I was a tall well built woman and had the room to carry a large baby... But then noticed my uterus was a bit small - even for a 10 weeks pregnant woman. (Thought to self: but I'm ELEVEN weeks pregnant!!! Eeeeek!!) Then she started looking around with the doppler and was never able to find the heartbeat. I was freaking out and was getting myself ready for a long wait until someone confirms the inevitable: my fetus had stopped growing at 9 weeks.

Why did I freak out? Because in my last pregnancy, in 2005, I was told by the doc at the 7 weeks echography, that I had a nice 5 weeks old embryo, and that took another 2 weeks or so to confirm it was dead. My body had never rejected it on its own and I never lost blood.

As I remembered all of that and got the disgusting feeling that history was repeating itself on me, I realized I started crying in the doctor's office. The doc noticed I was panicking (as I warned I would) and she did the very best she could do under such circumstances: she made a call to the hospital, spoke to the OB/GYN on duty and asked if she could see me right away for a "dating echography". She explained that I would really appreciate if this could be done early in the same day because I badly needed some reassurance. I am very grateful for this extra effort she made.

12h30 - We arrived to St-Hyacinthe's Hospital and started waiting... I guess we were not waiting in the right area because the doc never showed up to see us despite the message delivered by an nurse. We end up changing section and speaking to other nurses about it.

13h30 - A nurse tells me the doc is on her way to the hospital and has to perform a baby delivery before seeing me.

13h35 - DF and I made a trip to the cafeteria to munch on a few fries and yogurt. I really have no appetite.

13h55 - back in the waiting room and falling asleep over my own thoughts... How will I announce the bad news to everyone? Family? Friends? Coworkers?

14h30 - The doc has arrived and get us to the echography room. She is also a very kind and nice young woman who I feel comfortable with. I get on the table, and she proceeds to the echography... I see a baby but I don't care at this point. All I want to see is a flickering heart, THERE IT IS: a small star was twinkling in the middle of my baby stomach. I can't believe it!!!

Now that the heart is beating, I get a better look at the baby and we can count all 4 members. The doc says she saw the bladder but I'll have to take her word for it.

First thought to strike me 10000 miles per hour in the chest: OMG we are really gonna be parents! This is real now!

So the doc further announces that my chances are really good now that everything will be fine. She explained that from the day I found out I was pregnant I had 20% chances of miscarrying, but that hearing or seeing the heartbeat at any point passed 8 weeks reduced the probabilities to 2% only.

I can breathe.

Oh yeah, and with the size of the fetus, she said it was 10 weeks and 5 days and that would made my expected due date June 12th.

15h00 - I went back home with DF and the first picture of our baby to be.

2 days before D day

Welcome to the dark side. If you are allergic to whining, skip this post. I'm making myself vulnerable by transposing my yesterday's thoughts here and they are clearly not rational, or positive.

I didn't come to work yesterday. I was sick.

I'm not too sure what was wrong with me exactly but I couldn't sleep the night before and I've felt like crap all day long, trying to take naps in between my trips to the bathroom.

Not. Cool.

What made it even worse was the worry that came with it. If I keep throwing up and being sick, is it because I'm about to miscarry? If not, could it lead to a miscarriage?

11 weeks is an awful long period of waiting before you get a first medical consultation about your pregnancy. Only one word comes to mind: torture.

So yes, I was weak and could barely eat anything yesterday, and was extremely tired, and I'm guessing all of those combined with my newfound hormones have contributing to my first meltdown.

Meltdown or anxiety attack? Are they really that different? I can't tell what it was but I had a few good episodes of crying my heart out yesterday and couldn't see how I would be able to wait those 3 extra days until my first exam.

At the end of the day I had a nursery decorating chit chat with DF which really helped my mood. I went to bed at 9 pm. There it was: my first weird dream in a few weeks...

The stolen foetus

I don't remember the details of it but I was pregnant. Awfully pregnant and on the verge on giving birth. I remember that in this dream, there was a woman I know from work, who is higher than me on the food chain and who I had a small problem with a few months ago, but I've never felt completely confortable around her since. In my dream, that women was always around me and pressuring me to give birth already! She was so very impatient and I didn't know what it was all about. It left me with the general impression that I was carrying her child and she was dying to take it away from me once it is born. However, it's like nobody had told me that I was carrying her child instead of mine so I was very confused and scared as to why she wouldn't just leave me and my unborn child alone !!!

The aftermath

I still got up this morning, felling better than yesterday and hopefully worse than tomorrow, and went to work.

I was able to keep my food down and had no other meltdowns. I felt silly for having them yesterday too but I'm seriously not a patient girl and hate surprises especially when I know I have to wait a long time for them to unveil.

Guess what? That's my body telling me I'm not in control anymore and no matter how much I want to find out sooner that everything is alright, I have to play my body's game and follow its rules. Tough luck girl! You'll learn patience the hard way if that's what it takes.

Only 2 days before my exam now... It still looks like an eternity but 2 days is more pleasant to the ear than 3.

10 weeks 4 days


I'm so glad my parents are present in this period of my life. I really don't know how I'd get through this without them.

The nursery project, before we can even start to think about it, as for requirement that the computer room gets completely free and that means moving the bookshelves and computers and desks in the laundry room downstairs.

Sounds simple? Not. Quite.

The computer room cannot be relocated into the laundry room without some major rearrangement of the laundry room to allow the necessary space for it. That involved moving the washer and dryer (and their corresponding pipes) and taking the big industrial sink out (and its corresponding pipes). My dad was working full time on this as well as some adaptation of our garage (to receive the said industrial sink) over the weekend and the inevitable happened: when you play long enough with copper pipes dating from the 1950s, eventually, it cracks and leaks, but the leak happened above the ceiling so the men (DF and dad) spent an extra 4 hours just to fix that leak.

I'm glad it's behind us and am starting to see the day we can move that computer room into the basement... When this is all done, we can finally start working on the nursery.

Belly picture

With all this added attention and activity over the weekend, we forgot to take the belly picture update. I guess it's alright, I can probably take a snapshot once every two weeks anyways if I want to see some change. I full much bigger than last time but I don't think the difference actually shows in the mirror (or would on a picture).

Nervosity strikes back

This Friday is the day of my FIRST MEDICAL APPOINTMENT. Can you spell "excited"??? I can't believe I've been waiting all this time and did not die of anxiousness yet. Now the countdown is on. In a few days, I'll know that my mini-me has made it that far alive... or not.

I swear if I can't hear the heartbeat on Friday, I'm totally going to freak out and book an echography in the first private clinic I can find. I can't wait for Friday to get an answer but I'm so nervous that I might not get the answer I want to hear that it's already driving me nuts. how will I sleep until then?

Tic. Toc.

4 nights before D day.

10 weeks!

Today's the day our embryo becomes foetus. I can hardly call it a SweetPea anymore and JellyBean sounds a bit too girly to my ears... For some reason he still looks a bit alien-ish and I'm having a bit of a hard time find a cute nickname for it now...

Ten weeks old foetus

I gained some weight back already but I blame it on the fact I have stopped my good drinking water habit. I have to kick myself to drink more water again starting today because I found that ever since I stopped, my mouth has been producing saliva like crazy.

Other than this, not much change... not many symptoms... the strange dreams have stopped, the thick fog of extreme fatigue that hit me every afternoon has been much more subtle and manageable. However, it is still very difficult to focus on anything else than baby thoughts.

In terms of food cravings the only 2 things I could eat everyday are: baba ghanoush and tomato sandwiches. Just thinking about them makes me hungry. For some reason, I've always liked raw tomatoes but now it's actually on the top of my "things I like to eat list" even before ice cream!

I got my flu shot yesterday evening and feel very good about it. no side effect from that and my arm barely feels bruised if I touch it.

Update on that H1N1 vaccine...

The coupon

DF did not have work today so that left me with the flexibility to steal the car at 6AM to go get my coupon.

I got there at 6h03AM, and was moving bumper to bumper until I saw a lady who asked me to roll my window down and tell me in which high risk group I was.
  • Me - I'm pregnant
  • Lady - Do you want a day or evening appointment?
  • Me - Evening
  • Lady - Here's your coupon, see you at 17h30 tonight!
I drove off. 6h13AM... Still have a good 50 minutes or so before taking my bus to work... Time to celebrate with a breakfast at Tim Horton's!

The vaccine

I had to leave work 20 minutes early to catch the 16h30 train. When I arrived at my hometown train station at 17h20, DF was waiting for me in the car. I gave him my train/bus card and we switched: he took the bus home and I took the car and got to the vaccination clinic for my 17h30 appointment.
  • 17h30 - Arrival at the vaccination clinic
  • 17h32 - A volunteer forces Purell on the hands of every person walking in the clinic (smart move), distributes a number to everyone and tells us to sit.
  • 17h42 - Our group of numbers is asked to get in line for registration
  • 17h50 - Done with registration, the lady asks me to follow another volunteer into the pregnant and immunodeficient room. I'm waiting there with 3 other pregnant ladies.
  • 17h55 - I tell the nurse I usually do the plank after receiving shots, she brings me to the first aid room to lay down for the shot
  • 18h00 - The nurse poked me with the needle. I think she might have missed because it went out so fast I didn't feel a thing. Nope. that's really all it took.
  • 18h00-18h15 - Watching Toy Story with other patients who have received the shot and need to sit there for 15 minutes
That's it! I'm vaccinated. I was expecting much worse to be honest, both in terms of waiting and in terms of the needle itself. A walk in the park but I'm glad it's done now and I can sleep with one less worry on my mind.

H1N1 Vaccine

Ok, I don't remember if I mentioned it already, but I changed my mind about the vaccine... I was initially waiting to hear the vaccine was safe before taking a shot that would be potentially hazardous for the health and development of my unborn but this time has come a few weeks ago now and I was simply waiting for my turn to be invited to have the said vaccine.

Adjuvant-free vaccine for all pregnant women started today.

So, as specified on the website, I passed by the public vaccination clinic on my way back from work. The website said "if there's a line-up, you will be given a coupon to come back later" (free translation provided to you by yours truly - it was a French website). Unfortunately, this is not how things went.

We drove among a crowd of cars parked and double parked on both sides of the industrial road and finally noticed the huge line-up of people waiting outside the building. As we drove forward, we were greeted by some guy wearing an orange jacket:
  • Orange guy - Can I see your coupon please?
  • DF - No, we're here to "get" a coupon
  • Orange guy - Sorry you'll have to come back tomorrow at 6am for a coupon.
  • DF - uh, really? Ok then, thanks anyways...
...and that is how I did not get vaccinated tonight. I don't know if I'll show up at 6 tomorrow morning, it seems really early and I have to get the car back to DF before he leaves for work (I take the train). It just seems much more complicated than I had anticipated...

***Update*** No, I did not get up earlier this morning to go get my coupon, I'm planning to do it tomorrow while DF doesn't need the car since he's got a holiday on Remembrance Day.

First Belly Picture - 9 weeks, 2 days

9 weeks, 2 days pregnant

I did it. I forced DF to take a picture of my belly before it blows up to astronomic proportions... Actually, I'm a bit late for the "before" pic because there is already a bit of a bump there, but eh! Better now than later/never.

What you get here is the bare truth of what I look like without makeup or Photoshop intervention. Putting this on the web makes me feel, uh, exposed and vulnerable.

Note to self: remember to wear makeup on the next belly picture if face is within the frame...


I've had the strange feeling that I was going to have a baby boy since the beginning of my pregnancy. I don't know how much of it is intuition and how much of it is actually influenced by the higher probability of conceiving a boy (in theory) when conception takes place on the day of the ovulation or after...

In any case, my mind thinks I'm having a boy and therefore, it just seems easier to find boys baby names.

We found so many names and only one stuck with us so far: Liam.

I think it's cute. Very cute. My only disappointment is with the fact this name is becoming very popular and I always preferred unique sounding names. Tough luck. We like Liam, popular or not.

We also discussed middle names and this one was an easier question... For a boy, Thomas. For a girl, Patricia. Both names in honour of deceased relatives whom we would love to carry the memory of.

Last name being Cascarano, chances are - if we don't change our mind before then - our little boy name would be:
  • Liam (Thomas) Cascarano
If we have a girl now we have a few options:
  • Alizée (Patricia) Cascarano
  • Norah (Patricia) Cascarano
  • Kayla (Patricia) Cascarano

My personal favorite is Alizée despite the fact I can foresee people disforming the pronounciation in English (it's French). So for all of you wondering: it's pronounced "A-liz-ay", not "A-liz-ee".

9 weeks and a grape

It's so good to be wrong sometimes...

I "feel" pregnant.

Fears and intuitions have mixed me up seriously recently... Having no symptoms for the last three days shook my faith that everything was ok. I admit: I'm a worrier.
This morning I woke up (as usual), went to the bathroom (as usual) and had a glimps at my profile in the mirror (as usual) before stepping on the scale (as.. you get the picture?).

With different results this time.

I swear I can now see the small pouch of a bump! I could barely believe it. It's like I was almost starting to accept that my pregnancy was lost and that I would no longer see any symptoms or progress, and there it was, looking back at me from the mirror as if trying to prove me wrong.

Wow. Overnight?

The scale result was different too...

I have been steadily losing 1 lb every week for the last 8 weeks (I was initially 200lbs) so, I was expecting to be 191lbs this morning. Nope. 194 lbs. Wrong again.

I must have eaten like a pig yesterday night and can't remember... Nope. An onion soup with regular ham sandwich at Tim Horton's at 6pm and went to bed at 9:30pm.

I guess that means I'm still pregnant afterall... It just seems like a certainty now, so I'm very grateful for that. At the same time, I'm sure my fears will get the best of me everytime I lose all symptoms so I'll appreciate this moment of peace and confidence while it lasts.

I found a cute artsy image of what my "grape" is now supposed to look like at 9 weeks. Enjoy!

I guess it's time to start taking belly pictures too... hmmm...

That was a bad idea...

I've already discussed how one of my rare pregnancy symptoms is to have more frequent, strangely vivid dreams.

What happens when you mix that symptom, with a tired mom-to-be who goes to bed right after watching a horror movie or thriller?

Bad dreams.

But it was Halloween and we didn't do anything to celebrate it since DF was out for the night so we thought we should rent a scary movie yesterday and make that "our" halloween night.

Bad plan.

The movie chosen was "Orphan".

I won't go into the details of this movie, but yes, there is something VERY wrong with Esther and even though I will admit it was a very good movie, my newfound emotional sensitivity got the best of me during some graphic scenes that I would have gladly skipped through.

For some reason though, there is no escaping those scenes as even if I were to close my eyes, I could easily guess what was going to happen and my own imagination would probably show me images worse than those of the movie.
I was told this was more of a thriller than a horror movie... I guess it's a matter of opinion and will be more careful when chosing my next flicks.

Last night, I woke up a few times, not in the middle of a bad nightmare, but with those same images rolling through my mind in a loop... This morning, I was veeeeery tired.

I also read somewhere that pregnant women should try to minimize stress as it can harm the feotus... You can read one article about this here.

Ok, I'm only 8 weeks and 5 days pregnant so it shouldn't be damaging for the foetus yet, but it hurt my sleep and what hurts my sleep is bound to be on my black list right now.

Pregnancy tests anyone?

No, I'm not starting a new business but it's very much like that.

About 2 months ago, I ordered a batch of ovulation strips and pregnancy tests from and received them shortly after our first attempt trying to conceive (TTC).

Sure enough, I was skeptical that I would get pregnant from my first attempt and became a compulsive peeer on a stick (CPOAS). I used a test every day (sometimes twice a day) since 7 days past oculation (DPO) until 15 DPO and thought that was it. Not pregnant. And my thought was that if I was going to use this many pregnancy tests every month, might as well order a larger batch right away! So I went back to the website and ordered another 50 tests.

But I was pregnant. I got my first big fat positive (BFP) on the same day my ordered has been shipped. it was too late to cancel it.

Now, I have received that new order of 50 pregnancy tests and have no idea what to make of them.

Yesterday was Halloween and a thought crossed my mind about handing these out along with candies... Hehe... maybe not!!!

Well in any case, if one of you readers are TTC and would like some home pregnancy tests for cheap, feel free to post a comment to that matter with your email so I can contact you.

Catching up on dreams

I spent a beautiful weekend doing nothing.

Well, not completely nothing. I cooked a bit, trimmed my 3 ferrets' claws and gave them a bath. Other than that, I just slept a lot.

What's nice with sleeping a lot is that not only you become rested, but you dream a lot.

That also made me realize there is no way I'll be able to keep up with posting the details of all my dreams on this blog. That would be one or twice per day!

So, here is a list of a few dreams I had recently:
  1. In this dream, I had God's view and could see and hear everything. What was disturbing is that I was witnessing the start of a very passionate and physical relationship between my 16 year old nephew and a 32 year old married lawyer I happen to work with. Ishhhh.
  2. In this other dream, my relationship with DH was over and I was starting to date a guy I know and take the train with. In reality this guy has to be the most arrogant, fussiest and most argumentative person I know but in this dream, he was the total opposite: sweet, patient and very sensitive.
  3. Some very strange dream that I couldn't remember but I know my mother and Yoda (yes, from Star Wars) were the two main actors.
  4. I dreamed that I had a son. I remember his face and hair and eyes perfectly and it was the most beautiful kid I had ever seen. I'm saying kid because in my dream he was already 3 years old. His thick wavy hair was chocolate and his eyes were amber and gave him an angel look. The name that popped to mind when I saw him was Matthias. I don't know why. This name is not on our baby name's list but for some reason, Liam wasn't a good fit for that kid.

Am I pregnant or sleepwalking?

(8 weeks and 1 day pregnant)

Pregnancy is not what I was expecting so far...

I was ready to fight morning sickness, mood swings, painful breasts and the super nose and skin glow.

WRONG. Not for me.

My breasts are not-so-sored. No morning sickness yet. I have been more sensitive recently but without the mood swings, and no, my skin does not glow.

What I'm experiencing goes more along the lines of Halloween (we're almost there). I feel like a spectre. I'm not moving really fast, that's when you see me move at all, I feel half asleep when people ask questions, and most of the time I don't even feel like answering them. I don't have energy to do anything and I'm overall having a real hard time focussing on anything. I feel like I'm trapped in a thick cloud of fog and though I'm trying to find my way out of it, every attempt is unsuccessful and discouradging. The only reward I get is when I give in to the tireness and sleep.

I'm not complaining though... Better sleepwalking than spending all mornings inspecting the inside of my toilet bowl!

It's a good thing my superior knows about my pregnancy or she'd think I'm really being underproductive and lazy!

On another note, in the last few days, I've started being repelled by some foods, so I haven't eaten as much as I usually would. I dropped 4 pounds. I'm not worried though. I heard it's normal to gain some OR lose some during this period and I'm sure I'll catch up on those 4 lbs soon enough.


If you still haven't heard about that flu A(H1N1) - a.k.a. the swine flu - then you've probably been kidnapped by aliens several months ago and only just came back to read this post.

I heard about it. A lot. Maybe too much.

On the one side, I work for the government and kept a close watch on any official information released about that virus. I felt pretty good about when my options consisted of:
  1. getting through the flu just like every winter, or
  2. getting the vaccine and saving myself from the flu this year.
But then things changed: I became pregnant.

All of a sudden, taking risks with my own health, puts more than just my own person at risk. When I got the first chain letter warning me about the vaccine I thought nothing of it. When the chain letter turned into several emails and PowerPoint shows and videos on YouTube, claiming that the vaccine was dangerous and unsafe, especially for pregnant women, I raised an eyebrow thought there was no way I would ask to have this unknown "poison" running through my veins just to save me from the flu.

What flu? Oh yeah that flu which made 28% of pregnant women infected DIE in the U.S. during last August! I certainly did not want to take that risk either.

I felt trapped between two bad options and I did not want to make a choice.

2 days ago now, the vaccination campaign has started in Canada. Along with it, a 13 year old otherwise healthy boy passed away only 36 hours after experiencing his first symptoms. The country is shocked.

Along with that new campaign, long pages of information have been put on the web and several videos promoting vaccination have been seen. It's only after I saw the video made by the Secretary of the Collège des Médecins that I was fully convinced. He made a lot of technical and medical information understandable for general public and put things into perspective. He dissolved the fears I had for the vaccine and made me feel very confident that it is a safe choice I cannot afford not to make.

Between Nov. 9th and 15th, I'll get my flu shot.

For me. For my baby. For my family.

Baby Fit?

Being overweight (I'm 5'11" tall and weight 200 lbs), I have been very careful in the last few months about what I eat and the amount of water I ingest so that I could flush some of those pounds away before getting pregnant. I've never been that obsessed about losing all the extra weight to begin with, my goal was to be healthier overall.

No change in weight. But I felt better overall so it's all good.

Then, I became pregnant... and lost 5 pounds in the first month, which were gained back shortly after. After 7 weeks and 1 day, I am exactly the same weight as before getting pregnant.

Now, the topic is a delicate one. I'm obviously not trying to lose weight while pregnant, but I want to make sure the weight I gain is healthy and that I stay on target. So, to me, eating healthy and drinking water is not enough in order to achieve that goal and I needed a soft exercise program I could easily do from home and that was built from pregnancy-friendly moves.

When I came across the Baby Fit website today, I thought, "o.k., another community of moms-to-be". But then I realized how ingeniously it was built. In there, I found:
  • a weight tracker
  • a water drank tracker
  • an easy exercise program using no more than a swiss ball and a floor
  • a suggested diet based on your BMI and your pregnancy progress
  • a printable grocery list to go with your suggested diet
  • a nutritional tracker in which you can enter all the portions you ate during the day + your prenatal supplements and it will show your daily nutritional intake in comparison to the recommended zone.
  • a place where you can ask a question to Dr. Q. (sounds like a superhero name, no?)
Oh yes, and you find a forums and discussion groups on there as well, but I was too thrilled about the tracker to even bother looking into the forums.

So I bought a swiss ball and completed my first workout tonight as suggested on that site. I feel pretty good about this and I'm proud that I did it. I even thought the first 3 exercises out of 4 were a piece of cake, but by the time I did the 4th and last exercise, I was glad it was over. It took me about 20 minutes and was very gentle. The program suggests I should do this 3 times per week which is very manageable.

Bottom line, I'm hoping I will keep up with this new habit. It will certainly not make an athlete out of me but I'm confident that any exercise will be better than what I was doing, as long as it's safe for the pregnancy, and this is specifically designed for it so I'm in heaven. :)

Safety instructions for new parents

I came across a post today that made me smile and I wanted to share that moment with you.

You will find below a few of the pictures found in a book by David and Kelly Sopp. All credits go to them. I haven't read the book myself, but if you're interested to see more, you can find it here:

7 weeks pregnant

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant.

The last week has been amazingly good to me. Besides being tired because of all the getting-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-to-run-to-the-bathroom-syndrome, my breasts were only sore for 2-3 days and I didn't experience any morning sickness or nausea.

That's good, right? :)

In less than a month, I'll have my first ob exam. I can't wait. I'm guessing hearing the heartbeat for the first time will probably be the best confirmation I can get that things are going o.k.

Babies come in pairs too!

I read Bibliosaur's post this morning with the posted image of her twin babies scan and it struck me then for the first time that I could, without knowing it now, be pregnant with twins! It's funny how I go through life often disregarding some possibilities that seem like they will only happen to "others", but what if, I was just like one among those "others"? I guess it could happen to me too! Lol. I have a very special talent for stating the obvious, I know...

More seriously, when I realized, that despite the low probabilities, it is still a possibility for me to be pregnant with twins, my mind went blank. Would I like that? Would I be scared by that? When I hear of women pregnant with twinsI always think "how cool!" but then, if I'm trying to picture myself in those shoes, I'm not so sure how I'd cope with that new situation...

I always thought that having a first child is a huge change for one family and having two first children at once seems a bit overwhelming to say the least! But on the other side, if it's not your first children you're welcoming in the family, you may be running out of arms to attend to the twins while managing the toddler(s) running around...

Basically, wether it's a first pregnancy or not, doesn't seem to make it any easier in terms of the amount of energy you will need to deploy to manage it all. However, aren't your efforts crowned with a double-reward? I can only imagine how precious and fulfilled a new mother feels when she delivers two healthy babies. Overall, it seems to me like a bigger rollercoaster than being pregnant. Everything is amplified. The bad and the good.

Until I hear a heartbeat (or two!) on Nov 20th, I feel open and welcoming to any possibility life with grace me with... as long as I hear something beating!!!

Sushi anyone?

Being a big amateur of raw fish in the form of sushi, I am looking forward to demystifying the whole "it's not safe to eat sushi during pregnancy".

Rumour? Fact? Paranoia?

I don't have a definite answer yet, but it seems like most American websites I've come across will tend to say sushi constitutes a risk for the expecting mom, not only in terms of the mercury level, but also because of the potential presence of bacteria that could be hazardous.

However, the Canadian government website stating what kinds of food to avoid while pregnant does not talk about raw fish being an issue.

Also, the Quebec Professionnal Order of Gynecologists has made no warning about sushi on their list of foods that should be limited or avoided altogether.

I have seen many references saying that in Asian countries, not only is the raw fish tolerated during pregnancy, it is moreover encouraged as a good source of omega 3 and it's high nutritional value.

The mercury level is one thing, but some fish used in sushi don't have a concerning level of mercury (e.g. salmon) so it's mostly the bacteria argument I would like to verify. I mean, if you know the restaurant has high quality standards and the fish is very fresh, is it still a problem?

I've put it in my list of questions to ask my obgyn when I meet him on Nov 20th.

And there was much much drama...

I love being pregnant but I guess part of the deal is that along with the joy, you get the tiredness and added emotional sensitivity that come with it.

Trying to focus on my joy and share with other women who experience the same, or listen to their concerns and downs was supposed to be fun and so I joined a buddy group where I made many online friends and feel a special bond with them.

Unfortunately, someone who tried to join the group 3 days after it was closed was very upset about it, and is still harassing me through various PMs (private message) telling me it's so very rude and crappy to be rejected of a buddy group that closed not long ago... and that "she could never do something like that". It lasted a few days and everytime I wrote a PM back with apologies and an opening for her to came back, she would only write back super long hateful PM and it never stopped. She joined another group and again victimized herself there and said she was glad at least the ladies "in their group" were nice...

I had enough and was upset and wrote a summary on my buddy group, so that people would understand why I'm not feeling good and having casual chit chat anymore... That was obviously a mistake on my part as she hijacked the page with super long posts in which she feels the need to "defend herself" and in which she quotes just about everything I say and point at every word she would have said differently.

I mean COME ON. GET A GRIP. People die everyday while you complain about not being welcomed to a buddy group that you tried to join after it was closed?! Why such a big deal? Why whining about it in your new group? why not accepting my apologies or reinvite to the group. *sigh* Some people just like to bash.

So yeah, I don't even feel good returning to the group right now... She's ruined my thoughts enough over the last couple of days and I don't even feel like logging out to find out what other hateful PM is gonna be waiting for me there.

I'm taking a break from that group, at least for now... Might look for another message board on which I can find a group eventually. I don't know yet.

*** Update ***

OMG. As if it was not enough already, it turns out she could not leave it at that as she so often promised. She actually decided to visit my personal blog and got upset at me posting my version in a place where she can't hijack it and call me a liar again while adding her long distorted story.

She then had the nerve to threaten me to post our whole exchange of PMs on my blog?! LOL.

Two words: "control" "freak"

I wonder what'll be her next move... Hire a private investigator to make sure I don't speak about her to my relatives? Wow. Expect the unexpected.

I deleted my own posts in the buddy group. I'm sure everyone is very uncomfortable trying to avoid them and even if I don't post there for a little while, my online friends there didn't deserve to get their experience ruined as well. We'll see if she gets the message and does the same with hers. I honestly don't have high expectations.

A Candle for a Friend

Yesterday, one of my online friends who was just one week ahead of me in her pregnancy went for her second ultrasound and heard what we all fear we will hear in that situation: nothing.

I can only imagine her pain and grief and I am sending her all the love and courage.

Yesterday, in Canada, a candle was lit for her loss.

Another dream...

Is there really a need for an introduction? You might have figured out by now that I'll be talking about the weird dream I had yesterday so here it is:

Smoking dog
This time, I was not alone. I was sitting in a fancy restaurant at a table for two with a complete stranger. The whole setup looked like a date and I felt I was doing something wrong just by being there with him, and not remembering how I got there or why I would be out "dating" a stranger. Did I get into a fight with DF? Was I living a double-life?

The stranger offered me a joint of marijuana. Oh yeah, did I mention we were sitting in a fancy restaurant and that I don't smoke? It all seemed very normal in my dream and I remember thinking "smoking weed can't be good for the pregnancy..." but as if I was daring my embryo to prove me wrong, I took it anyway and breathed the weed in.

It felt dangerous. I felt powerful.

I coughed, chuckled, and excused myself to the stranger. I pretended to go to the restrooms but instead, walked out of the restaurant and started walking around the building all while spying on him, from outside the surrounding windows.

One minute he was there, the next he was gone. I decided it was time for me to go back inside and finish my plate. What plate? I have no idea, all I could remember was a joint.

I sat back at the table before the waiter could notice it was left unattended. Instead of my previous date, was now sitting next to me, in a perfect gentlement pose, my DOG. and instead of the joint, was now a huge shisha full of weed.

And now, very casually, I continued on smoking pot through the shisha this time, with my dog...

Yes, I know, I feel deranged everytime I wake up from a weird dream like this.

Is it me or I'm always a mean person in those dreams? Last time I was killing mice and this time, I couldn't care less about harming my foetus or about making DF miserable!

I'm not even sure I should call them "dreams" because once I'm awake, I feel like they are definitely closer to "nightmares" about me turning into some kind of a monster. But while I'm dreaming them, I feel dangerously calm and content.

Light a candle! Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day

Are ferrets safe pregnancy companions?

Being pregnant brings me a lot of joy, but also a huge sense of responsibility.

What if I'm not giving the fetus all the nutrients he needs?
What if I give him something that hurts him?
What if I put him in harm's way by not knowing about something potentially dangerous?

ENOUGH. Those are valid concerns but the best way for me to stay confident is though education and getting all the information that I need, as early as I can. Sometimes, eating healthy and avoiding alcohol and tobacco is not enough to ensure a healthy pregnancy.

Can my pets be hazardous for the pregnancy?

I read about how pregnant women should avoid getting in contact with their cat's litter in order to prevent toxoplasmosis, which can be very dangerous to the growing fetus...


Dogs are safe and Luka's very happy about that!

What about ferrets?

I have 3 ferrets and happen to be the prime caretaker of their bunch. Which means, lots of litter cleaning, and it's often not as simple as cleaning a cat's litter box...

I called my ferrets' vet and asked.

His first answer was that they were safe since they do not carry toxoplasmosis. (GOOD) But then, out of any expectations, he added promptly "but you should have all of their feces analyzed for parasites or a regular basis. Most parasites are inoffensive, but some could be dangerous for a pregnant woman." (UHHH...)

Just about everytime we brought our little furballs to the vet, there was a new mild, innofensive parasite found in their feces. It seems almost inevitable when you have three in the same cage. We would then go home with different treatments to solve the case but after some time, a new kind always makes an appearance.

That is not very reassuring... So DF brought up the idea of putting them for adoption. This way we can achieve 4 goals:
  1. less risk for the pregnancy
  2. more space for the baby room
  3. more time on our hands to take care of baby+teenager+dog
  4. get the ferrets into a good family that will play more with them than we do
I'm having a bit of a hard time dealing with that decision but I know deep down that this will be the right choice for us. So for now, the teenager is being very helpful and has taken over the litter cleaning chore...

A looong weekend

Today's Tuesday and I'm back at work from a 3 day Thanksgiving weekend.

Those three days were not the happiest ones...

Don't get me wrong, I had a beautiful schedule with loved ones and everything was there to enjoy the long weekend. ALMOST everything.

I was missing symptoms. My last post on Oct 10th said I had no symptoms. Same story on Oct 11th and Oct 12th. They were gone. Then, I had that dream on Saturday night, for which I don't remember the details, but the conclusion of my dream was that my SweetPea was no more.

I woke up with a feeling or certainty it was all over, and since I didn't have any symptoms to prove me wrong, I carried that feeling of disappointment troughout the rest of my weekend.

Yesterday, DF and I walked in the mountain with my parents and the dog, and picked up a few apples. Everything was going well but still no symptoms...

Yesterday when I went to bed: JACKPOT!

My breasts were tender again! So I slept very well and woke up confident that things were going to be o.k... So I guess I should now apologize to everyone around me who worried with me and who had to suffer my paranoia. I wish I could control it better and simply have a stronger faith.

I hope I will not go through long periods of doubt everytime I'm feeling symptom-free or this will be a very long 12 weeks...

Can paranoia be a symptom? lol

About symptoms...

I'm realizing now that what I'm going to label in this blog as "symptoms" may include a vast array of interesting changes I'm experiencing that have nothing to do with the pregnancy.


Yesterday night I had a strange dream... All my dreams are usually a bit strange but it's been a while since I could remember one and since I've read somewhere that pregnant women dream a lot and have weird dreams... Well... I guess I'm gonna label this one into my potential symptoms. Lol.

A Bowl of Mice...
So yesterday's dream was a short one, in which I was very calm, but intrigued by the fact that my huge fruit bowl had been used to serve nachos and that the leftover bits of nachos were being nibbled at by over a dozen mice.

And so, I tried to call DF and DN (Dear Nephew) to come and see the strange phenomenon, but they wouldn't hear me or care because they were playing xBox.

So I figured I would have to deal with the small rodents on my own. I was not scared or disgusted or angry at them, I just thought it was the right thing to do... so I decided on poisoning them first, then I would bring the bowl to DF and DN for them to see the mice without me risking that some would jump off the bowl and run away in our house and infest us by multiplying like crazy, because even if they jumped off, I figured they would die within hours. So I pourred some detergent in the bowl and figured it couldn't be good for them and would do the trick... And brought the bowl with me, to show them the mice still eating the nachos bits.

By the time I walked downstairs to show them the mice, there were no longer mice in the bowl. Instead, a soup of various liquids on which a few pieces of fur were floating. Instead of being completely disgusted by it, I was slightly disappointed that they had died so quickly and I wouldn't be able to show the strange phenomenon to DF and DN.
That dream probably has nothing to do with my early pregnancy symptoms, but I'm not just using this blog as a way to share and communicate my adventures to fellow pregnant women. This will also serve as a personal pregnancy journal and I'm trying to put as many insignificant details as I possibly can, because in the long run, those details are what I will be interested in reading again. My child could also find it interesting to see how crazy his mom used to be while carrying him/her, if he ever reads it... So I'm letting loose and letting everything out. No censure. :)

About today's symptoms, I didn't feel anything. Nothing at all. Being still early in the first trimester, it can be a little worrying when you've experienced some sort of symptoms every day during at least part of the day. I simply do not feel pregnant. No sore breasts, no crampings or twiching in the stomach, no morning sickness, no super nose, no super frequent trips to the restrooms, no extreme tiredness, NOTHING.

I'm hoping some light symptoms will come back tomorrow and confirm that my SweetPea is still hooked in place.

First follow-up exam

I finally got threw the system and got my first appointment scheduled with an OB/GYN at the closest CLSC.

The appointment is scheduled for November 20th so I still have a bit of waiting to do but they won't schedule anything until you're through the 11th week of pregnancy so I guess it's standard.

Apparently, the visit should last about 1 hour and starts with spending some time with a nurse who'll answer all of my questions and then I'll be examined by the OB/GYN.

I can't wait. I have so many questions to ask!!!

Pregnancy announcement

Ok well I guess things never really go according to the plan, lol.

The plan was to wait a couple more weeks before telling. I thought it would be nice to play it safe and wait until closer to the end of the 1st trimester before advertising that I'm pregnant to our friends and coworkers... But hey! I never said I was a patient girl! I also never said I would find it easy to wait all that time!

I really wanted to tell people and share my joy... But I guess my head was saying "not yet" just to avoid the heartbreak of being asked some news about the pregnancy if things were turning bad.

I realised - to my biggest surprise - this week that DF did not share my fears and really wanted to tell the world... So yesterday he emailed all his friends and then I thought, might as well update my Facebook profile and make it completely public. In only 1 hour I had received 8 comments! :)

I'm still a bit nervous about getting through that first trimester smoothly, but it's reassuring and refreshing that DF is not scared at all. So much that he makes me feel silly to even doubt myself... ;)


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4 weeks pregnant

Today I am 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant and here are the symptoms I've been experiencing so far...
  • Faintness/weakness/dizziness on my way back home after work
  • Breast sensitivity
  • Disrupted sleep
  • All sorts of pitching, tingling, bubbling in my stomach
  • Weight loss? o.O

No morning sickness so far. No super nose yet either...

On my lunch break today I will definitely go buy some almonds to carry in my purse. I think I might need to snack on a little something on my way home.

About the weight loss, it's only 5 pounds so I'm assuming it's nothing to worry about. But considering I've been trying to lose some weight for the last 2-3 months and couldn't get those 5 pounds off, I'm still rising an eyebrow... I'm guessing it could be all linked with the need to snack when I'm hungry.

Baby name considerations

Finding the perfect name is an activity I've enjoyed since I was a child. I just find poetry in names and it makes me dreamy...

The considerations I've always tryied to keep in mind were:
  • Original
  • Short (2 or 3 syllables)
  • Can be pronounced easily by francophones or anglophones

My new considerations:

  • Must not end in "O", because that would rhyme with last name
  • Must not end with the sound "K", "X" or "G", since it would be a mouthful to pronounce with the last name starting in "K".

Some names I like...

Girl names:
  • Kayla
  • Maegan
  • Swan
  • Kara
Boy names:
  • Denzel
  • Jasper
  • Liam
  • Tristan

5 weeks pregnant and daycare already?!

Yes ladies, when you live in Quebec, you have to be aware that you will usually spend 3 whole years on a waiting list before your kid can actually get a place in a daycare center. You think this is an exaggeration? There are on average, approximately 800 names on those waiting lists!

I have to admit it feels very weird to still not know the baby's sex or his name and be already looking for daycare!

But we're all set. Today, I entered our unnamed unborn baby onto a waiting list for daycare. One thing is settled!

Now... if that OBY/GYN clinic can return my call so I get my first appointment... ;)

How it all started...

My fiance (who I will refer to as DF - for Dear Fiance) and I were planning to start Trying to Conceive (TTC) in early Winter 2009. But sometime last summer, I came across a great book that was lent to me by my sister in law and that revealed the secrets of the fertility awareness method, which I will refer to as FAM here.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility,

When I started reading that book, I was very impressed at how a better understanding of how our own body works, could be used to induce pregnancy or avoid one, completely naturally. Not only that, but it claimed that once a woman is already charting the changes of her menstrual cycle, she can pinpoint the date of her ovulation, detect problematic symptoms from normal cyclical symptoms, influence the probabilities of conceiving a boy or a girl and figure out a pregnancy or miscarriage days before any test could reveal it.

I had to try.

So on September 7, first day of my new cycle I started charting my Basal Body Temperature (BBT), and changes to my cervix alignment, firmness and Cervical Fluid (CF).

The idea was, that I would be able to tell on which days I'm fertile, and to be able to avoid unprotected intercourse on those days until we're ready to start TTC.

But that first month of charting was special. And the day of my ovulation was followed by my birthday evening with DF. After some very deep discussion, we figured out our reasons for postponing attempts to conceive to Winter 2009, were not really strong rooted and what better birthday celebration and present than to conceive our first son or daughter...

This was a long shot. Many couples had been TTC for many years before they getting pregnant.

We thought that if it worked, it would be a very memorable night, and if it didn't lead to a pregnancy, then it would have still been a very nice birthday evening and we'd try again in October.