Conflictual emotions

A new life

My cousin Guillaume and his girlfriend Marie-Ève are also expecting a baby. They are about 7 weeks ahead of me, making Marie-Ève 33 weeks pregnant.

At least, that's what I thought when I checked my email yesterday evening... Not anymore.

Sometime on Sunday morning, Marie-Ève has given birth to a beautiful baby boy named Édouard. I was told both Édouard and his mommy are going well but Marie-Ève had to be transferred to a different hospital by plane during the night so that she would give birth.

I absolutely have no details, so I'm just going to assume they didn't feel confortable delivering a premature baby in this hospital and hope she didn't suffer complications of any kind. It's a bit hard being far and waiting for bits and pieces of information that will hopefully reassure me on her condition. The fact that my youngest brother, also a premature baby, passed away when he was 2.5 months old probably has a lot to do with my sensitivity in regards to the risks of premies, which only adds to my nervousness.

Saying that I'm glad mother and child are both ok would be a gross understatement. That's the only part of the email I got I'm trying to focus on at the moment while waiting to hear more news from them.


Dream dream dream

Of course, I had a bad night as my fears resurfaced in a dream. While Marie-Ève was 33 weeks pregnant when she gave birth, I'm only 26 weeks pregnant, and for whatever reason, Jade decided 3 o'clock am was the perfect time to change position in my belly.

It's the first time I actually hear loud sounds of liquid moving in me like this and I could hear that sound through my sleep. Only, in my sleep, I was associating those sounds to be blood. The contorsions Jade was going through in order to switch herself into a different orientation completely felt like she was fighting her way out, to follow the leak of blood.

I have to admit that a premature birth at 26 weeks, though scary, always seemed unlikely to me and therefore, never really bothered my thoughts until now. It's like my brain just decided now to link 2 concepts together: "complete placenta previa" + "premature birth". Aren't they a perfect match? Just like water and electricity... Now, that's something I can have nightmares about.

Luckily for me, Jade's movements were very unconfortable and woke me up. I went to the bathroom and admit doing my routine inspection for traces of blood. Satisfied that all was ok I went back to bed and listened to Jade's efforts to completely flip herself inside me... It took her about an hour I would say until the liquid settled down and Jade decided I was allowed some sleep...