Am I pregnant or sleepwalking?

(8 weeks and 1 day pregnant)

Pregnancy is not what I was expecting so far...

I was ready to fight morning sickness, mood swings, painful breasts and the super nose and skin glow.

WRONG. Not for me.

My breasts are not-so-sored. No morning sickness yet. I have been more sensitive recently but without the mood swings, and no, my skin does not glow.

What I'm experiencing goes more along the lines of Halloween (we're almost there). I feel like a spectre. I'm not moving really fast, that's when you see me move at all, I feel half asleep when people ask questions, and most of the time I don't even feel like answering them. I don't have energy to do anything and I'm overall having a real hard time focussing on anything. I feel like I'm trapped in a thick cloud of fog and though I'm trying to find my way out of it, every attempt is unsuccessful and discouradging. The only reward I get is when I give in to the tireness and sleep.

I'm not complaining though... Better sleepwalking than spending all mornings inspecting the inside of my toilet bowl!

It's a good thing my superior knows about my pregnancy or she'd think I'm really being underproductive and lazy!

On another note, in the last few days, I've started being repelled by some foods, so I haven't eaten as much as I usually would. I dropped 4 pounds. I'm not worried though. I heard it's normal to gain some OR lose some during this period and I'm sure I'll catch up on those 4 lbs soon enough.

Virusology

If you still haven't heard about that flu A(H1N1) - a.k.a. the swine flu - then you've probably been kidnapped by aliens several months ago and only just came back to read this post.

I heard about it. A lot. Maybe too much.

On the one side, I work for the government and kept a close watch on any official information released about that virus. I felt pretty good about when my options consisted of:

1. getting through the flu just like every winter, or
   
2. getting the vaccine and saving myself from the flu this year.

But then things changed: I became pregnant.

All of a sudden, taking risks with my own health, puts more than just my own person at risk. When I got the first chain letter warning me about the vaccine I thought nothing of it. When the chain letter turned into several emails and PowerPoint shows and videos on YouTube, claiming that the vaccine was dangerous and unsafe, especially for pregnant women, I raised an eyebrow thought there was no way I would ask to have this unknown "poison" running through my veins just to save me from the flu.

What flu? Oh yeah that flu which made 28% of pregnant women infected DIE in the U.S. during last August! I certainly did not want to take that risk either.

I felt trapped between two bad options and I did not want to make a choice.

2 days ago now, the vaccination campaign has started in Canada. Along with it, a 13 year old otherwise healthy boy passed away only 36 hours after experiencing his first symptoms. The country is shocked.

Along with that new campaign, long pages of information have been put on the web and several videos promoting vaccination have been seen. It's only after I saw the video made by the Secretary of the Collège des Médecins that I was fully convinced. He made a lot of technical and medical information understandable for general public and put things into perspective. He dissolved the fears I had for the vaccine and made me feel very confident that it is a safe choice I cannot afford not to make.

Between Nov. 9th and 15th, I'll get my flu shot.

For me. For my baby. For my family.

Baby Fit?

Being overweight (I'm 5'11" tall and weight 200 lbs), I have been very careful in the last few months about what I eat and the amount of water I ingest so that I could flush some of those pounds away before getting pregnant. I've never been that obsessed about losing all the extra weight to begin with, my goal was to be healthier overall.

No change in weight. But I felt better overall so it's all good.

Then, I became pregnant... and lost 5 pounds in the first month, which were gained back shortly after. After 7 weeks and 1 day, I am exactly the same weight as before getting pregnant.

Now, the topic is a delicate one. I'm obviously not trying to lose weight while pregnant, but I want to make sure the weight I gain is healthy and that I stay on target. So, to me, eating healthy and drinking water is not enough in order to achieve that goal and I needed a soft exercise program I could easily do from home and that was built from pregnancy-friendly moves.

When I came across the Baby Fit website today, I thought, "o.k., another community of moms-to-be". But then I realized how ingeniously it was built. In there, I found:

• a weight tracker
• a water drank tracker
• an easy exercise program using no more than a swiss ball and a floor
• a suggested diet based on your BMI and your pregnancy progress
• a printable grocery list to go with your suggested diet
• a nutritional tracker in which you can enter all the portions you ate during the day + your prenatal supplements and it will show your daily nutritional intake in comparison to the recommended zone.
• a place where you can ask a question to Dr. Q. (sounds like a superhero name, no?)

Oh yes, and you find a forums and discussion groups on there as well, but I was too thrilled about the tracker to even bother looking into the forums.

So I bought a swiss ball and completed my first workout tonight as suggested on that site. I feel pretty good about this and I'm proud that I did it. I even thought the first 3 exercises out of 4 were a piece of cake, but by the time I did the 4th and last exercise, I was glad it was over. It took me about 20 minutes and was very gentle. The program suggests I should do this 3 times per week which is very manageable.

Bottom line, I'm hoping I will keep up with this new habit. It will certainly not make an athlete out of me but I'm confident that any exercise will be better than what I was doing, as long as it's safe for the pregnancy, and this is specifically designed for it so I'm in heaven. :)

Safety instructions for new parents

I came across a post today that made me smile and I wanted to share that moment with you.

You will find below a few of the pictures found in a book by David and Kelly Sopp. All credits go to them. I haven't read the book myself, but if you're interested to see more, you can find it here: http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Baby-Handling-Tips-David/dp/0762424915

7 weeks pregnant

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant.

The last week has been amazingly good to me. Besides being tired because of all the getting-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-to-run-to-the-bathroom-syndrome, my breasts were only sore for 2-3 days and I didn't experience any morning sickness or nausea.

That's good, right? :)

In less than a month, I'll have my first ob exam. I can't wait. I'm guessing hearing the heartbeat for the first time will probably be the best confirmation I can get that things are going o.k.

Babies come in pairs too!

I read Bibliosaur's post this morning with the posted image of her twin babies scan and it struck me then for the first time that I could, without knowing it now, be pregnant with twins! It's funny how I go through life often disregarding some possibilities that seem like they will only happen to "others", but what if, I was just like one among those "others"? I guess it could happen to me too! Lol. I have a very special talent for stating the obvious, I know...

More seriously, when I realized, that despite the low probabilities, it is still a possibility for me to be pregnant with twins, my mind went blank. Would I like that? Would I be scared by that? When I hear of women pregnant with twinsI always think "how cool!" but then, if I'm trying to picture myself in those shoes, I'm not so sure how I'd cope with that new situation...

I always thought that having a first child is a huge change for one family and having two first children at once seems a bit overwhelming to say the least! But on the other side, if it's not your first children you're welcoming in the family, you may be running out of arms to attend to the twins while managing the toddler(s) running around...

Basically, wether it's a first pregnancy or not, doesn't seem to make it any easier in terms of the amount of energy you will need to deploy to manage it all. However, aren't your efforts crowned with a double-reward? I can only imagine how precious and fulfilled a new mother feels when she delivers two healthy babies. Overall, it seems to me like a bigger rollercoaster than being pregnant. Everything is amplified. The bad and the good.

Until I hear a heartbeat (or two!) on Nov 20th, I feel open and welcoming to any possibility life with grace me with... as long as I hear something beating!!!

Sushi anyone?

Being a big amateur of raw fish in the form of sushi, I am looking forward to demystifying the whole "it's not safe to eat sushi during pregnancy".

Rumour? Fact? Paranoia?

I don't have a definite answer yet, but it seems like most American websites I've come across will tend to say sushi constitutes a risk for the expecting mom, not only in terms of the mercury level, but also because of the potential presence of bacteria that could be hazardous.

However, the Canadian government website stating what kinds of food to avoid while pregnant does not talk about raw fish being an issue.

Also, the Quebec Professionnal Order of Gynecologists has made no warning about sushi on their list of foods that should be limited or avoided altogether.

I have seen many references saying that in Asian countries, not only is the raw fish tolerated during pregnancy, it is moreover encouraged as a good source of omega 3 and it's high nutritional value.

The mercury level is one thing, but some fish used in sushi don't have a concerning level of mercury (e.g. salmon) so it's mostly the bacteria argument I would like to verify. I mean, if you know the restaurant has high quality standards and the fish is very fresh, is it still a problem?

I've put it in my list of questions to ask my obgyn when I meet him on Nov 20th.

And there was much much drama...

I love being pregnant but I guess part of the deal is that along with the joy, you get the tiredness and added emotional sensitivity that come with it.

Trying to focus on my joy and share with other women who experience the same, or listen to their concerns and downs was supposed to be fun and so I joined a buddy group where I made many online friends and feel a special bond with them.

Unfortunately, someone who tried to join the group 3 days after it was closed was very upset about it, and is still harassing me through various PMs (private message) telling me it's so very rude and crappy to be rejected of a buddy group that closed not long ago... and that "she could never do something like that". It lasted a few days and everytime I wrote a PM back with apologies and an opening for her to came back, she would only write back super long hateful PM and it never stopped. She joined another group and again victimized herself there and said she was glad at least the ladies "in their group" were nice...

I had enough and was upset and wrote a summary on my buddy group, so that people would understand why I'm not feeling good and having casual chit chat anymore... That was obviously a mistake on my part as she hijacked the page with super long posts in which she feels the need to "defend herself" and in which she quotes just about everything I say and point at every word she would have said differently.

I mean COME ON. GET A GRIP. People die everyday while you complain about not being welcomed to a buddy group that you tried to join after it was closed?! Why such a big deal? Why whining about it in your new group? why not accepting my apologies or reinvite to the group. *sigh* Some people just like to bash.

So yeah, I don't even feel good returning to the group right now... She's ruined my thoughts enough over the last couple of days and I don't even feel like logging out to find out what other hateful PM is gonna be waiting for me there.

I'm taking a break from that group, at least for now... Might look for another message board on which I can find a group eventually. I don't know yet.

*** Update ***

OMG. As if it was not enough already, it turns out she could not leave it at that as she so often promised. She actually decided to visit my personal blog and got upset at me posting my version in a place where she can't hijack it and call me a liar again while adding her long distorted story.

She then had the nerve to threaten me to post our whole exchange of PMs on my blog?! LOL.

Two words: "control" "freak"

I wonder what'll be her next move... Hire a private investigator to make sure I don't speak about her to my relatives? Wow. Expect the unexpected.

I deleted my own posts in the buddy group. I'm sure everyone is very uncomfortable trying to avoid them and even if I don't post there for a little while, my online friends there didn't deserve to get their experience ruined as well. We'll see if she gets the message and does the same with hers. I honestly don't have high expectations.

A Candle for a Friend

Yesterday, one of my online friends who was just one week ahead of me in her pregnancy went for her second ultrasound and heard what we all fear we will hear in that situation: nothing.

I can only imagine her pain and grief and I am sending her all the love and courage.

Yesterday, in Canada, a candle was lit for her loss.

Another dream...

Is there really a need for an introduction? You might have figured out by now that I'll be talking about the weird dream I had yesterday so here it is:

Smoking dog
This time, I was not alone. I was sitting in a fancy restaurant at a table for two with a complete stranger. The whole setup looked like a date and I felt I was doing something wrong just by being there with him, and not remembering how I got there or why I would be out "dating" a stranger. Did I get into a fight with DF? Was I living a double-life?

The stranger offered me a joint of marijuana. Oh yeah, did I mention we were sitting in a fancy restaurant and that I don't smoke? It all seemed very normal in my dream and I remember thinking "smoking weed can't be good for the pregnancy..." but as if I was daring my embryo to prove me wrong, I took it anyway and breathed the weed in.

It felt dangerous. I felt powerful.

I coughed, chuckled, and excused myself to the stranger. I pretended to go to the restrooms but instead, walked out of the restaurant and started walking around the building all while spying on him, from outside the surrounding windows.

One minute he was there, the next he was gone. I decided it was time for me to go back inside and finish my plate. What plate? I have no idea, all I could remember was a joint.

I sat back at the table before the waiter could notice it was left unattended. Instead of my previous date, was now sitting next to me, in a perfect gentlement pose, my DOG. and instead of the joint, was now a huge shisha full of weed.

And now, very casually, I continued on smoking pot through the shisha this time, with my dog...

Yes, I know, I feel deranged everytime I wake up from a weird dream like this.

Is it me or I'm always a mean person in those dreams? Last time I was killing mice and this time, I couldn't care less about harming my foetus or about making DF miserable!

I'm not even sure I should call them "dreams" because once I'm awake, I feel like they are definitely closer to "nightmares" about me turning into some kind of a monster. But while I'm dreaming them, I feel dangerously calm and content.

Light a candle! Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day

Are ferrets safe pregnancy companions?

Being pregnant brings me a lot of joy, but also a huge sense of responsibility.

What if I'm not giving the fetus all the nutrients he needs?
What if I give him something that hurts him?
What if I put him in harm's way by not knowing about something potentially dangerous?

ENOUGH. Those are valid concerns but the best way for me to stay confident is though education and getting all the information that I need, as early as I can. Sometimes, eating healthy and avoiding alcohol and tobacco is not enough to ensure a healthy pregnancy.

Can my pets be hazardous for the pregnancy?

I read about how pregnant women should avoid getting in contact with their cat's litter in order to prevent toxoplasmosis, which can be very dangerous to the growing fetus...

Dogs

Dogs are safe and Luka's very happy about that!

What about ferrets?

I have 3 ferrets and happen to be the prime caretaker of their bunch. Which means, lots of litter cleaning, and it's often not as simple as cleaning a cat's litter box...

I called my ferrets' vet and asked.

His first answer was that they were safe since they do not carry toxoplasmosis. (GOOD) But then, out of any expectations, he added promptly "but you should have all of their feces analyzed for parasites or a regular basis. Most parasites are inoffensive, but some could be dangerous for a pregnant woman." (UHHH...)

Just about everytime we brought our little furballs to the vet, there was a new mild, innofensive parasite found in their feces. It seems almost inevitable when you have three in the same cage. We would then go home with different treatments to solve the case but after some time, a new kind always makes an appearance.

That is not very reassuring... So DF brought up the idea of putting them for adoption. This way we can achieve 4 goals:

1. less risk for the pregnancy
2. more space for the baby room
3. more time on our hands to take care of baby+teenager+dog
4. get the ferrets into a good family that will play more with them than we do

I'm having a bit of a hard time dealing with that decision but I know deep down that this will be the right choice for us. So for now, the teenager is being very helpful and has taken over the litter cleaning chore...

A looong weekend

Today's Tuesday and I'm back at work from a 3 day Thanksgiving weekend.

Those three days were not the happiest ones...

Don't get me wrong, I had a beautiful schedule with loved ones and everything was there to enjoy the long weekend. ALMOST everything.

I was missing symptoms. My last post on Oct 10th said I had no symptoms. Same story on Oct 11th and Oct 12th. They were gone. Then, I had that dream on Saturday night, for which I don't remember the details, but the conclusion of my dream was that my SweetPea was no more.

I woke up with a feeling or certainty it was all over, and since I didn't have any symptoms to prove me wrong, I carried that feeling of disappointment troughout the rest of my weekend.

Yesterday, DF and I walked in the mountain with my parents and the dog, and picked up a few apples. Everything was going well but still no symptoms...

Yesterday when I went to bed: JACKPOT!

My breasts were tender again! So I slept very well and woke up confident that things were going to be o.k... So I guess I should now apologize to everyone around me who worried with me and who had to suffer my paranoia. I wish I could control it better and simply have a stronger faith.

I hope I will not go through long periods of doubt everytime I'm feeling symptom-free or this will be a very long 12 weeks...

Can paranoia be a symptom? lol

About symptoms...

I'm realizing now that what I'm going to label in this blog as "symptoms" may include a vast array of interesting changes I'm experiencing that have nothing to do with the pregnancy.

DREAMS

Yesterday night I had a strange dream... All my dreams are usually a bit strange but it's been a while since I could remember one and since I've read somewhere that pregnant women dream a lot and have weird dreams... Well... I guess I'm gonna label this one into my potential symptoms. Lol.

A Bowl of Mice...
So yesterday's dream was a short one, in which I was very calm, but intrigued by the fact that my huge fruit bowl had been used to serve nachos and that the leftover bits of nachos were being nibbled at by over a dozen mice.

And so, I tried to call DF and DN (Dear Nephew) to come and see the strange phenomenon, but they wouldn't hear me or care because they were playing xBox.

So I figured I would have to deal with the small rodents on my own. I was not scared or disgusted or angry at them, I just thought it was the right thing to do... so I decided on poisoning them first, then I would bring the bowl to DF and DN for them to see the mice without me risking that some would jump off the bowl and run away in our house and infest us by multiplying like crazy, because even if they jumped off, I figured they would die within hours. So I pourred some detergent in the bowl and figured it couldn't be good for them and would do the trick... And brought the bowl with me, to show them the mice still eating the nachos bits.

By the time I walked downstairs to show them the mice, there were no longer mice in the bowl. Instead, a soup of various liquids on which a few pieces of fur were floating. Instead of being completely disgusted by it, I was slightly disappointed that they had died so quickly and I wouldn't be able to show the strange phenomenon to DF and DN.

That dream probably has nothing to do with my early pregnancy symptoms, but I'm not just using this blog as a way to share and communicate my adventures to fellow pregnant women. This will also serve as a personal pregnancy journal and I'm trying to put as many insignificant details as I possibly can, because in the long run, those details are what I will be interested in reading again. My child could also find it interesting to see how crazy his mom used to be while carrying him/her, if he ever reads it... So I'm letting loose and letting everything out. No censure. :)

About today's symptoms, I didn't feel anything. Nothing at all. Being still early in the first trimester, it can be a little worrying when you've experienced some sort of symptoms every day during at least part of the day. I simply do not feel pregnant. No sore breasts, no crampings or twiching in the stomach, no morning sickness, no super nose, no super frequent trips to the restrooms, no extreme tiredness, NOTHING.

I'm hoping some light symptoms will come back tomorrow and confirm that my SweetPea is still hooked in place.

First follow-up exam

I finally got threw the system and got my first appointment scheduled with an OB/GYN at the closest CLSC.

The appointment is scheduled for November 20th so I still have a bit of waiting to do but they won't schedule anything until you're through the 11th week of pregnancy so I guess it's standard.

Apparently, the visit should last about 1 hour and starts with spending some time with a nurse who'll answer all of my questions and then I'll be examined by the OB/GYN.

I can't wait. I have so many questions to ask!!!

Pregnancy announcement

Ok well I guess things never really go according to the plan, lol.

The plan was to wait a couple more weeks before telling. I thought it would be nice to play it safe and wait until closer to the end of the 1st trimester before advertising that I'm pregnant to our friends and coworkers... But hey! I never said I was a patient girl! I also never said I would find it easy to wait all that time!

I really wanted to tell people and share my joy... But I guess my head was saying "not yet" just to avoid the heartbreak of being asked some news about the pregnancy if things were turning bad.

I realised - to my biggest surprise - this week that DF did not share my fears and really wanted to tell the world... So yesterday he emailed all his friends and then I thought, might as well update my Facebook profile and make it completely public. In only 1 hour I had received 8 comments! :)

I'm still a bit nervous about getting through that first trimester smoothly, but it's reassuring and refreshing that DF is not scared at all. So much that he makes me feel silly to even doubt myself... ;)

Links

Conception?
Pregnology
Ovusoft
Pregnancy and delivery?
Share your story - an online community for parents of premature babies



Preparing for baby?
Baby Zone
Healthy Canadians

Shopping?
Destination Maternity
Mummy Card
G Diapers
Bébé Plus

4 weeks pregnant

Today I am 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant and here are the symptoms I've been experiencing so far...

• Faintness/weakness/dizziness on my way back home after work
• Breast sensitivity
• Disrupted sleep
• All sorts of pitching, tingling, bubbling in my stomach
• Weight loss? o.O

No morning sickness so far. No super nose yet either...

On my lunch break today I will definitely go buy some almonds to carry in my purse. I think I might need to snack on a little something on my way home.

About the weight loss, it's only 5 pounds so I'm assuming it's nothing to worry about. But considering I've been trying to lose some weight for the last 2-3 months and couldn't get those 5 pounds off, I'm still rising an eyebrow... I'm guessing it could be all linked with the need to snack when I'm hungry.

Baby name considerations

Finding the perfect name is an activity I've enjoyed since I was a child. I just find poetry in names and it makes me dreamy...

The considerations I've always tryied to keep in mind were:

• Original
• Short (2 or 3 syllables)
• Can be pronounced easily by francophones or anglophones

My new considerations:

• Must not end in "O", because that would rhyme with last name
• Must not end with the sound "K", "X" or "G", since it would be a mouthful to pronounce with the last name starting in "K".

Some names I like...

Girl names:

• Kayla
• Maegan
• Swan
• Kara

Boy names:

• Denzel
• Jasper
• Liam
• Tristan

5 weeks pregnant and daycare already?!

Yes ladies, when you live in Quebec, you have to be aware that you will usually spend 3 whole years on a waiting list before your kid can actually get a place in a daycare center. You think this is an exaggeration? There are on average, approximately 800 names on those waiting lists!

I have to admit it feels very weird to still not know the baby's sex or his name and be already looking for daycare!

But we're all set. Today, I entered our unnamed unborn baby onto a waiting list for daycare. One thing is settled!

Now... if that OBY/GYN clinic can return my call so I get my first appointment... ;)

How it all started...

My fiance (who I will refer to as DF - for Dear Fiance) and I were planning to start Trying to Conceive (TTC) in early Winter 2009. But sometime last summer, I came across a great book that was lent to me by my sister in law and that revealed the secrets of the fertility awareness method, which I will refer to as FAM here.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility,

http://www.ovusoft.com/

When I started reading that book, I was very impressed at how a better understanding of how our own body works, could be used to induce pregnancy or avoid one, completely naturally. Not only that, but it claimed that once a woman is already charting the changes of her menstrual cycle, she can pinpoint the date of her ovulation, detect problematic symptoms from normal cyclical symptoms, influence the probabilities of conceiving a boy or a girl and figure out a pregnancy or miscarriage days before any test could reveal it.

I had to try.

So on September 7, first day of my new cycle I started charting my Basal Body Temperature (BBT), and changes to my cervix alignment, firmness and Cervical Fluid (CF).

The idea was, that I would be able to tell on which days I'm fertile, and to be able to avoid unprotected intercourse on those days until we're ready to start TTC.

But that first month of charting was special. And the day of my ovulation was followed by my birthday evening with DF. After some very deep discussion, we figured out our reasons for postponing attempts to conceive to Winter 2009, were not really strong rooted and what better birthday celebration and present than to conceive our first son or daughter...

This was a long shot. Many couples had been TTC for many years before they getting pregnant.

We thought that if it worked, it would be a very memorable night, and if it didn't lead to a pregnancy, then it would have still been a very nice birthday evening and we'd try again in October.